And now for something completely different.

Over the years, I have found several obituaries that made me chuckle.  Yes, really.  These are a handful that came from Monroe papers.

The old harlot…
The Ouachita Telegraph October 18, 1866 Page 2, Column 1
Among the lost on the Evening Star was Bianca Robbins, a woman who kept a fashionable bagnio in New Orleans.  She was returning from the North with an invoice of attractions for her establishment, when the hurricane overtook the ship and consigned the virtuous and the depraved to a watery grave.  The old harlot left property amounting to $100,000 to be inherited by two children now at school in Kentucky.

…affectionate evidence of wifely devotion…
The Ouachita Telegraph 
Saturday, December 31, 1870 Page 3, Column 2
Julia Collens, for killing her husband, Lewis Collens, both colored, was yesterday committed to jail by Judge Caldwell for the crime of murder.  Julia hit Lewis a love-lick on the head with an axe, from which affectionate evidence of wifely devotion Lewis died.  It is said, in Julia’s behalf, that Lewis had been overbearing toward her.

…as dead as he will ever be killed again.
The Ouachita Telegraph 
Saturday, September 16, 1871 Page 3, Column 3
A little negro boy was instantly killed a few days ago, on Mr. Jno. Corcoran’s place, by a lick from a ball.  Another boy had struck the ball and landed it plump in the other boy’s stomach, and, as his mother remarked, it “killed him as dead as he will ever be killed again.”
I later found out that the little boy’s name was Frank Johnston.  He was about ten years old.

The Doctor is in jail, and Lizzie is in her grave.
The Ouachita Telegraph 
Saturday, June 3, 1871 Page 2, Column 5
Dr. James J. Madison, a colored physician, of Madison, administered one pint of strong tobacco tea to Lizzie Young.  The Doctor is in jail, and Lizzie is in her grave.

…shot through the head while asleep in bed together.
The Monroe Bulletin 
Wednesday, May 6, 1885 Page 2, Column 1
The latest murder in New Orleans was committed last Friday.  The victims were Cospar Wenger and Mrs. Amelia Evans, wife of N.P. Evans.  They were shot through the head while asleep in bed together.

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